Muslim di Aleppo

Assalamualaikum,

Aku hairan,
Mereka Muslim yang ditembak,
Jelas sekali mereka yang di bom,
Rumah mereka dirobohkan,
Hospital di pecah sepai dengan sengaja supaya mereka tidak dapat teruskan hidup,
Bayi-bayi yang di ambang kematian,
Ibu-ibu yang mencari tempat berlindung tetapi tetap pergi,
Ayah-ayah yang berjuang pertahankan anaknya.

Tapi?
Mengapa kita yang dipanggil terrorist?
Mengapa kita yang dipanggil extremist?
Isis?
Mereka kata yang di tembak di panggil Isis?

"Bunuh semua Isis durjana itu!!!"
Kata mereka yang melihat kekejaman terhadap penduduk Aleppo.
Atau mungkin mereka berpuas hati.
Semacam kita yang suka tengok Israel terbakar.

Isis, mereka yang dibakar itu Isis?
Jika begitu..
Kenapa tak dilawan semula?
Mana pergi "jihadi2" Isis yang berani mempertahankan agama?!
Mana?!!!!
Mana pergi semangat memenggal kepala dari pahlawan2 Isis?
Mana?!!!!

Stupid,
For calling us Isis. For calling them Isis.
They are the one who've been slaughtered by the Assad.
Israel.
Funny for that name.
So Funny.

Yang kaya, bantulah mereka.
Yang miskin doalah untuk mereka.
Yang Isis dan segala macam extremist pulanglah ke jalan yang benar. Kajilah Al-Quran seeloknya.

Please, save humanity.
Please.

O God

O God,
How can i be strong?
After i've been punch continuously,
I dont know what to do,
And how to stay strong,

O God,
How can i keep my head up?
When i feel like im just going to look down while im walking my journey of life,
While im being a sad girl that just going to giving my all up.

O God,
How can i make my heart strong?
When my head was naked with all these trash thought,
When my head is filled with these strange things,
Well brain controls it all,
Can my heart hold all of these weight up?

O God,
Can i make it?
Like, really make it up?
To stay strong, to keep looking up, to make my heart strong.

Well im feeling like throwing up,
Runnin' away from my problems just gonna make everything get worse,
Well at least that is what everyone is gonna say,
Pretending to be care and.. Helpful.
Maybe yes, maybe not. Either way.

O Lord-O God-O my one and only Allah.
Help me.
Can i?
.

Takdir hidup

Assalamualaikum..

Today i wanna talk about destiny. Our destiny. It turns out that i wanna talk in english. But i know i will just talking trash. So just cut the crap!. Ok sorry. Actually im not in the very good mood today. And i just finished watching two english movie. And maybe that can be a strong reason why i wanna talk in english.

Ok, the reason im not in the very good mood is because i didnt got a mumtaz sufi. Just now my friend sent to our group I mean class group in whatsapp the image of the list. List that written many names of the lucky and excellent student who got mumtaz sufi. And i've got this not very good feeling. But yet, curiosity kills the cat. I took a look for my name in it. And there you go, there is not a single chance that i would find a "Halimatun". Haha. Sad. Sad girl. I looked for my name like crazy. Over and over. And then i stopped.

I looked at my sister laptop which is the one i used to watch the movie i said just now. Staring at it. Took a deep breath. Contemplated myself for a while. And start talking to myself in a low voice. The first line i said was

"Heh, hidup ni bukan selalu kat atas",

Haha. What a way to make my heart at ease. I am sad. I was dissapointed. I am.. I am.. Urghh.. But not till the level of frustration. I dont even know how to smile. And i hypocritedly gave a "congrats" to my friends. Yeah. I admitted it. I am very hypocrite when i said that. Haha.. I keep typing this haha without a smile on my face. Im sorry.

And i start thinking.. Am i not good? Didn't i studied? Im thinking and thinking and keep thinking. Until i didn't know what to think anymore. Man, im broken right now. Im.. Im... I dont know. I dont know what to do. But, i can't just give up right? Right? Right?!. I think i just need to strive for spm next year. Yeah, SPM.

God please!. I don't want this feeling. I dont want it!. Can't you make me a heartless person? And so then i remember that what make me a human. But seriously, everytime i hope that i am a cool person. But maybe a cold person. That would be good. A cold person. Not a cheerful person. 

But that what destiny is. And it might be something good behind it. We can't rewind our time. Which is what i know everybody think about it at least once. Huh. Dont lie. But yeah,

Setiap yang berlaku ada hikmahnya. Salam.

Make up

Assalamualaikum and ufufufufu...

Hahaha aku tak taulah tapi aku suka cakap ufufufu...

Okay, make up. Terus terang aku cakap aku tak tahu menahu langsung pakai make up. Tapi nama dia aku tahu lah. But! Aku tak suka pakai make up. Haha mungkin sebab fitrah aku suka selekeh je kan. Alat make up yang paling terer aku tahu pun foundation. Fufufu. Paling terer.

Dulu masa kecik aku selalu pakai make up maklong aku. I mean, main make up dia. Haha pergi depan cermin then pakai dia punya eyeshadow which is my favourite thing in make up. Haha. Lepas tu aku gelakkan diri sendiri. Dah lah tak cantik. Lepas tu nak acah cantik pakai make up. Maksud aku masa kecik tu umur aku 5,6 tahun macam tu lah.

Oklah aku tahu ini adalah sangat inappropriate bagi seorang perempuan but this is the fact. Aku tak suka pakai bedak pun bila keluar. Haha. Dan, kulit aku adalah kulit yang... Kalau korang nampak aku korang akan cakap "mamak eh?" "ada campur india?". Haha.. Jangan risau.. Aku dah biasa dengar benda macam tu.. Even it still hurt bila aku dengar benda macam tu. Tapi nak buat macam mana. Allah dah kasi aku kulit macam ni kan. Bersyukur tahu bersyukur?.

Ok back to the main topic. Aku memang tak suka make up. Aku macam.. Peliklah kenapa ada orang sanggup beli make up mahal2 banyak2. Tapi takpelah. Diorang tak kacau aku pun. Aku tak tahulah kenapa aku tak suka make up. Mungkin sebab aku baru 16 kot.. Entahlah. Sebab aku nampak muka aku sangat buruk kalau bermake up. Rasa macam.. Sorry to say lah.. Rasa macam ewwww muka aku ke ni?. Tak nak tak nak tak nak!!. Even aku buruk.. Aku still rasa macam.. Tak payahlah pakai make up.

And one day.. Kawan aku pakaikan aku make up. Sebab kita orang ada nak buat video. So, dia pakaikan aku foundation. First time seumur hidup aku. Aku macam tak percaya kawan aku ni boleh make up ke idokk. And then aku just berserah pada tuhan. Aku rasa muka aku macam.. Berat gila. Hiperbolakan? Tapi itulah yang aku rasa. Selesai make up, aku tengok cermin. Tahap confident aku makin rendah. Aku jadi macam.. Eiiii buruknya muka aku. Apa ni... Lepas tu aku jalan pergi tandas. And then tiba2 ada kawan aku cakap.. Eh ima flawless gila muka kau. And i was like.. Kau buta ke apa?. Hahaha...

Walaupun aku rasa orang cakap aku cantik.. Aku tetap rasa this will be the last time im wearing make up. Tapi tak tahulah macam mana kan akan datang nanti. Tapi tulah, aku cuma nak cakap.. Janganlah make up tebal2. Terkejut aku tengok make up tutorials yang mana orang tu dah putih tapi dia putihkan lagi muka dia.. Janganlah eh.. Kesian bakal suami. Tertipu.. Nak pakai, pakai biasa2 sudahlah. Walaupun aku sendiri tak pakai bedak pun. Dan ramai orang tegur aku selekeh, gelap, hitam dll. Aku buat derk je.

And aku akan jawab macam ni.. Elleh, ima bukan nak pergi mengorat pun.. Lagipun macam ni je dah bagus. Selamat. Bukannya ada orang nak tengok ima pun. Ima bukan nak pergi cari boyfriend ke apa ke (couple is haram #lataqrobuzzina). Ye? So, jangan complainlah kalau muka aku kusam. Haha.. Pada kau kutuk aku baiklah kau belanja aku pergi skin care.

Ha.. Oklah. That's all from me.
Wassalam..